please stop asking us this

Yes, we may be in committed, long term relationships. Yes, we may be the perfect age. We may be married, or house owners, or have a 401k. But please, for the love of whatever god you believe in, and I think I speak for a lot (A LOT, LIKE WAY MORE THAN YOU THINK) of women when I say this:

STOP ASKING US WHEN WE’RE GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Look, I’m sure if you have children you love them very much and want us to share in that joy. And that’s great, because of course you should love them. With every ounce of your being. But please don’t assume your life choices are what every other woman wants just because we share similar reproductive organs.

“Oh sweetie, you’ll want kids someday.”

That’s the one that kills me.

First of all, don’t call me sweetie. Secondly, does being a parent suddenly give you the ability to see the future? Sure, maybe someday I will. Someday I may also want to be president, or open a restaurant (read: a bar), or tattoo my face on my back, or get my rap career off the ground, or race jet skis in my mansion pool. Do not belittle me by implying I am somehow naive or less of a woman than you for not having children. Thirdly, find a hobby. Stop worrying about how I live my god damn life.

Because as long as we’re not hurting anyone, why can’t we just let each other be how we want to be?! I LOVE MY LIFE! Truly adore it. If my life were a person I would buy it a drink, tell it it’s beautiful, and take it home to meet my mother. And I have no desire to add a child to it. My heart is filled with an incredible man and a furry pet who bring me joy every day. I can travel whenever the hell I want. I spend money on myself instead of diapers. I stay out too late on weeknights and sleep in on the weekends.

And that’s okay.

Just like it’s okay to be a mother.

We’re so lucky to live in a time when giving birth is not our main social or biological obligation. But if you want a kid? That’s fine, too. We have the luxury of choice, and we can choose to impact the world in any way we wish. Please just let us.